Oakwood

So Tamarac didnt work out for me. now i go to Oakwood christian school. i absolutly love it. i can finally be with other christians at school. My doubt in god isnt really here anymore. but its just the fear of 'what if'. what if hes not there. and i see him in a differnt way now.i really wish i could get over this. everytime i think of him i get a bad feeling cause the feeling i had when i doubted comes back but its not that i am doubting, its just that horrible feeling. like a scared feeling. i mean i used to be happy when i thought of him.now its guilt, doubt and ...i dont know. i just want it to go away. and being around christians all day and talking about god all day makes me have that feeling everyday and its wearing me down. i just want my relationship with god to go back to normal.